RFBBV - SRO Edition

For those of you who don't speak acronym:

Rules for baseball viewing - standing room only edition!

Ah, the joys of standing room only seats. Well known to fans in Boston and New York City, most fans in other parks don't routinely encounter these strange beasts. So, this is a special edition just for Houston fans bewildered at their 'seats' that aren't.

1) Don't be a bitch. Example of a bitch:

• Lovely hubby and I arrive at the NCLS game early to grab a superlative standing room spot - in our case, in right field just behind the foul pole. We procede to stand in our spot for the next four hours waiting for the game. The game starts - GO ASTROS! - but eventually, nature calls. I vacate my spot and do my business. While I'm gone, a small boy shimmies into my standing space, looking like he's waiting to go down the ailse to a seat. No big, right? Wrong - not when his mother is a bitch and snottily tries to shove my husband aside and keep me from my hard-earned floorspace. Her excuse? "Standing room only means standing room only. Our tickets are all the same and we're standing." Huh? If you got here late, your ticket is not the same as mine. Standing room only means that the folks who arrive first get the best place to stand. It does not mean that if one of those early-comers goes to get a beer, take a leak or have a smoke some yahoo who showed up 15 minutes after the game started can grab the spot. Unsprisingly,a verbal tussle with this woman ensued and the usher sided with me. Now, ushers aren't, by nature, nice or forgiving creatures. Remember, these are the same folks who evict drunks. Thus, to display the level of bitch-dom this smelly fart of a woman displayed to incur the notice of an usher - well, it was just remarkable.

Well, there you have it - don't be a bitch. Be nice. Or at least be respectful.

2) Save your marital troubles for another time - a NLCS game or World Series game is not the time. We saw a couple start fighting during game four of the NLCS (you know, one of the games we won), and then they left the game! What the fuck?!? For Pete's sake, sell your tickets and get some marraige counseling! The money would be better spent for everyone concerned.

3) Make friends. It's easy in SROs - with each play, each hit, each crappy call by the ump, the people standing around you become your best friends from the night. You can't help but share space and bump hips/elbows/heads, which eventually leads to sharing emotion, triumph and (sometimes) pain. I will never forget the face of the Hispanic guy behind me, screaming (with me, in my bad Spanglish), "uno mas, uno mas" when Brad Lidge was one strike away from clinching the NLCS. I have no idea who he is, but he's my friend.

4) No cell phones - text messages only. First of all - how the fuck do you expect to hear anything? Everyone's screaming, jumping, jostling each other - the noise level is astounding. Second of all - everyone else is on his cell phone, so you can't get a connection anyway. Solution? Text messaging. They almost always go through and they don't make much noise. Very nice.

5) Have fun. Yeah, your feet are going to hurt, but damn it, you get to see NLCS or World Series baseball live and in person. You can see the field, hear the noise, high five your neighbors. It is one of the best baseball experiences ever. So enjoy.

GO 'STROS!