Monday, May 30, 2005

Party On, Wayne...

Over the last several days, I've had bunches of good ideas to write about. Also over the last several days, I've been partying my patootie off. It seems that I've effectively partied the ideas right out of my head.

So maybe I'll just write about the parties.

The first shindig was thrown by a friend who usually matches the description of a hermit. Under normal circumstances, he can't be pried out of his house with a crow-bar, even when offered booze, women and music. But for some reason, the dude can host mind-blowing parties. We had karaoke, Jell-o shots and gay men shaking their asses. I sang.

Yes, read that again people, I sang.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm a former smoker with a deep voice for a woman. You're thinking, this could be good. It could have been, except I'm totally tone deaf. I wouldn't know the proper key if it bit my ass while smacking me upside the head.

So when I sing, people should run. It's just that bad.

Despite my best attempts, the party Saturday night was good. Then came Sunday morning. I was relatively okay, but damn I didn't want to work. Screaming child + hangover (however mild) = bad day. After a nap, however, I was good to host my own party. My own party wasn't nearly as good as the hermit's - but then I didn't have dancing gay men.

We threw a BBQ and cooked beercan chicken. For those of you not familiar with the concept, beercan chicken is a food prepared by shoving a 3/4 full beercan up a chicken's ass and propping said bird on a grill for 1 1/4 hours (or until the temperature of the breast meat is 170F). The resulting chicken is ever-so moist and fine. Unfortunately, our beer-stuffed chickens met with multiple calamities - they fell over, the coals died, the chickens were dropped during a move designed to stoke the fire, etc.

Luckily there was enough beer that no one really cared.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Getting to know you...

The following is one of those usually annoying get-to-you e-mails. For some reason, I decided I liked this one. Since the blog is new, I though I would post this, so any reader(s) can get to know me.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:09a Yes, I love that snooze bar.

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Any woman worth her salt would clearly choose diamonds. And so do I.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Unleashed. Love that bad-ass Jet Li.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Mythbusters (Discovery). If you don't watch this show, you should. At the end of every show, I feel smart and entertained. How many American TV shows can claim that?!?

5. What did you have for breakfast? Blueberry bagel with cream cheese provided free of charge from my lovely residency office. Food is always better when free.

6. What is your middle name? Elizabeth

7. What is your favorite cuisine? American fusion. Why? 'Cause I'm snobby like that.

8. What foods do you dislike? Chipotle. It tries to kill me. I'll elaborate in a future post.

9. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookie dough!

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Ohh... good question. I think I like my new Nine Inch Nails CD and Moby's Hotel the most right now.

11. What kind of car do you drive? Subaru Impreza and/or 1985 VW Cabriolet, weather-dependent. Let's see - zippy 200+ horsepower stealth wagon or 4-cylinder convertable tuned such that it sounds like a lawnmower on crack. Such difficult decisions.

12. Favorite sandwich? the Brazilian steak sandwich, from a now-closed Boston restaurant, Geoffrey's. 2 years since I moved away,and I'm still trying unsuccessfully to duplicate the tasty combinationof steak, rye, avocado, and tomato that they made.

13. What characteristic do you despise? Passive-aggressive behavior, especially if it interferes with medical care. Selfishness is my other pet peeve, especially the form of selfishness that makes parents say things like, "oh, I couldn't make the appointment to have my child's freaking diseased and possibly deteriorating heart condition evaluated because it was too far to drive." Gah!

14. Favorite item of clothing? This old, stained, faded pink Polo button down shirt. Perfect for post-call comfiness. Also good for sliding around in my tube socks ala Tom Cruise.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would yougo? Japan - I want to see Mt. Fuji.

16. What color is your bathroom? Oi, we haven't finished repainting.It's a lurid yellow.

17. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Bananna Republic. If I actually had money, Donna Karen. I've never owned any.

18. Where would you retire to? Killarney, southwestern Ireland. Why? Green + beer = perfection.

19. Favorite time of day? Dinner. Or happy hour if I manage to get a large group of friends around.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? This last one. I was in the PICU and some friends brought me a cake in the conference room. They pretty effectively suprised me and made for the only bright spot on an otherwise terrible day.

21. Where were you born? Missouri Baptist in St. Louis County, MO

22. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball. The best moments are while the Red Sox are beating the Yankees.

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I don't expect anyone to answer.

24. Person you expect to send it back first? N/A, see above.

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide.

26. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Dr. Pepper. Fine - Diet Coke if I have must.

27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night - this helps when I'm on call in the hospital. It doesn't help the next morning, however.

28. What is your shoe size? 9.5 AA Try finding sexy spike heels to fit them feets! Mamma don't think so...

29. Do you have any pets? 2 cats, Puck (10 yrs old) and Oberon (4.5yrs); 15 African cichlids in a 55-gallon tank. And no, I don't plan on growing up to be a spinster.

30. What is one of your favorite things to do? Cook and eat with a large group of good friends.

35. What do you want to do now in life? Have a baby, see Mt. Fuji, tour the south of France, be a good doctor, keep my husband happy.


I'm a doctor, I write a lot.

But not really. What I scribble on a daily basis looks more like a bowel of alphabet soup than writing. Before medical school, I could string words together into a narrative understandable to normal humans. Now the symbols emerging from the end of my pen look like something produced by a monkey on crack.

I'm starting this blog to improve my own writing. I also hope that someday I'll make a stranger laugh, and maybe improve my spelling. We'll see.


Have you ever noticed that when a public computer breaks, it stays broken? Then someone complains about the broken computer, but doesn't actually do anything about it. Has anyone actually witnessed one of these complainers on the phone with information services? And if not, why is everyone suprised that the computer stays broken? If I was the computer-fixer-upper I'd want to kick the complainers' asses.

There should be a rule - one can only complain if one has attempted to fix whatever has gone haywire. Examples:
- No one who didn't vote can complain about an elected official. (Incidentally, I voted and I complain a LOT.)
- No one can complain about the commute to work unless s/he has actually tried public transportation.

There would be, of course, exceptions to the rule. I complain about the transvestite hookers having sex on the hood of my car, but I'm not going to interrupt in the middle of coitus. Trust me, those johns are scarrrry!