The ceiling cat is watching...

Go here. Trust me. Especially you, Clee.

Second thoughts

I was going to use this post to talk about how much I HATE the fact that I don't have my medical license yet. About how I haven't worked since the end of July, I'm poor and I feel like my brains are slowly rotting away.

But I won't 'cause if I wrote my rants publicly about the Board the evil Intar-web police might get me.

They hide under the bed, ya know. In the closet too - once I turned sixteen they took over for the Boogy Man, who retired to Florida. I hear he's enjoying a nice spot on the beach oogling all the coeds.

Instead I'll write about cat poo. Yes, cat poo. My dear lovely feline has decided he's too good for the litter box. He has some favored spots - the stairwell, the closet, my suitcase, near the kitchen island. And sometimes, for extra special goodness, he'll excrete ooze of death along with his poop. This lovely slimey goodness is PURE mercaptan, also known as thiols. Basically, thiols be stinky stuff. Here, wiki can explain it much more clearly...

Many thiols are colorless liquids having an odor resembling that of garlic. The odor of thiols is often strong and repulsive, particularly for those of low molecular weight. Thiols bind strongly to skin proteins, and are responsible for the intolerable, persistent odor produced by feces, rotting flesh and the spraying of skunks. Natural gas distributors began adding various forms of pungent thiols, usually ethanethiol, to natural gas, which is naturally odorless, after the deadly 1937 New London School explosion in Texas, United States. Thiols are also responsible for a class of wine faults caused by an unintended reaction between sulfur and yeast. However, not all thiols have unpleasant odors. For example, grapefruit mercaptan, a monoterpenoid thiol, is responsible for the characteristic scent of grapefruit.

So yeah, when the ass juice of death appeared on my suitcase (that I had to use the next morning to go to a freaking interview!) I was a bit pissed off. Luckily, Lysol be some wicked strong mojo and saved the day.

That's my lief right now, people, interviews and cat poo. How did I get this lucky?

The Cat

Yargh.

My cat has been sick for the last two weeks, more or less. It started with his usual constipation/stool holding/inappropriate stooling nonsense that happens every time he gets a little stressed. We blamed the bathroom renovations. After all, how would you like it if someone dumped stinky adhesive in the middle of your dining room? Huh? I might just poop on the floor too!

Then his little butt go so miserable looking with stool bulging at the rectum, grass hanging from a stuck ball of shit, tail down shuffling gait... I just couldn't stand it. So being a docta I got out my lube and rubber gloves and went downtown, so to speak.

Oh boy, people, did I ever get that shit out. Grams and grams of the stuff.

Oberon usually sulks for a day, hiding and pooping on the stairs but then gets betta. Not this time. Well, I lie. He got better for a day or so, but then stopped eating.

Do you know what happens to cats when they stop eating? I did. This is what happens. To quote:

FHL is very dangerous for cats and can be life threatening if left untreated.

EEK! I like my cat. Actually, I love my cat. In the past I've ranted about how silly it is to dump tons and tons of cash into pets. My cat is not getting surgery for pancreatic cancer. My cat won't get daily insulin therapy. My cat will not get dialysis. Can you imagine giving my cat, who won't even tolerate pilling, peritoneal dialysis?

However, my cat will get urgent treatment for acute issues. Note the choice of words: urgent treatment for acute issues. There will be no after hours visits to emergency centers (unless, of course, there is massive bleeding or trauma - if the injury looks survivable, he might get a visit then). There will be no long term, expensive chronic care. There will be office visits to my regular vet during regular hours for complaints that sound something like, "my cat's not eating and I don't want him to die of liver disease. Help, please?!?"

We walked out of the vet about $100 poorer armed with meds to help his little belly push food through his stomach.

Unfortunately, this plan did not work.

Back to the vet we go... $500 later, still no definitive diagnosis. The poor cat comes home leaking barium from his anus (courtesy of his normal barium swallow) along with enema fluid ('cause he didn't poop during his hospital stay) and immediately starts pooping EVERYWHERE. Leaving little kitty butt prints everywhere from the barium. But, while at the vet, he did eat.

So that was good.

One of the meds he came home with was Valium (diazepam). Why? Apparently the stuff acts as an appetite stimulant. Don't believe me, check this out. Or, if yer lazy, read the quote.

# Uses of Diazepam

# In animals, diazepam is given as a sedative, to treat convulsions, to manage excitement or as a muscle relaxant.
# Diazepam is often used with other drugs to ease an animal in and out of anesthesia.
# In some animals, particularly cats, diazepam in small doses has been used to increase appetite and treat behavior problems such as urine spraying or aggression.

So we gave Ober-kitty the recommended dose of Valium this morning. It was a struggle. Twenty minutes pass. I catch something odd in the corner of my vision... Oberon is staggering around the townhouse. He tries to turn... and lands on his ass. Jumps from the couch... and lands on his face. He was a mean drunk too. He took Puck down in the daily fight for dominance. (He'd sobered up some by then.)

It was damn funny.

Tomorrow he's only getting a half dose. But for $50 I could arrange a private showing...

Totally freaking confused

So one of our cats is bulemic. Give him a meal that's too large and he'll puke it up. Simple, right?

What am I to think when he pukes up a large fistful of undigested food hours after his last meal? I mean, I didn't leave the other cat's food open (the Tuperware lid is firmly closed and the thing is on the bathroom counter for Christ's sake!) and I haven't given his overweight ass any snacks!

I'm totally fucking confused.

Help.