Mother, mother...

can you hear me?

Yup, it's that time of year again - time for the annual trip up north to visit my bat shit crazy mother. This visit is going fairly well. What do I mean by well? Let me tell you!

• She hasn't interrupted my shower. Last year she barged in on my naked white ass to ask if she could use the computer. Why did she think she needed to ask? I might be using it, of course! She knows my mad telekinetic skills were surfing the web from the comfort of the shower stall. So nice of her to ask.
• No yelling!
• No discussion of her medication! She's on Forteo, which is used to treat osteoporosis. As you can see via the link, Forteo requires daily subcutaneous injection just like insulin. What you might not have noticed is that the stuff requires refridgeration between 36-46 degrees Fahrenheit... a fact my mother ruminates about ENDLESSLY. When she's traveling, all she can think about is the temperature of her med. Leaning Tower of Pisa? Who cares! The Forteo is 47 degrees! Disaster! If I thought I could get her off of this crap, I would do handsprings of joy.
• No discussion of 'the Market.' Mom seems to think that by closely watching the stock market and following its every twitch and twiggle, she'll miraculously make more money. Since we pay a financial management company obscene amounts of moolah to manage her moolah, her input is, shall we say, teenie-tiny. She can go on an on about how badly the economy is failing... even when the NYSE is having a good year. Thankfully, right now she's so depressed about the market she won't say anything at all. Hooray for recessions!
• We've only had the same conversation about five times now. Usually by this point in the trip, i'll be up to 20 or 30. So we're doing well.

I've sucessfully survived more than 24 hours. I've got about 36 more to go... wish me luck, peeps!

iTunes meme

Yes, yes, this is a tired meme. No, I don't care. Take that!

How many total songs?

3398 items, 9.4 days. I say 'items' because I have a lot of audiobooks, continuing-medical-education stuff and podcasts. I listen to all of this stuff and I rarely listen to music in the car anymore. Without the spoken word component, my iPod isn't worth mentioning.

Sort by song title - first and last...
a. Dodo - b. Lurker by Genesis and 500 by Lush.

Sort by time - shortest and longest...
(Four seconds of noise) by Hot Hot Heat (a song four seconds long - how appropriate!) and Trigger for Happiness by Machines of Loving Grace at 30min 12sec. Just FYI - the second shortest song on my list is thirty minutes and four seconds long. Apparently I attract long songs.

Sort by Album - first and last...
Abacab by Genesis and %$&@^ by KMFDM

Sort by Artist - first and last...
A-ha, then Young MC. Quality, people, quality.

Top five played songs...
You Know My Name by Chris Cornell, Mad World by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules, Up to the Roof by the Blue Man Group, Calling You by Blue October, and All My Life by the Foo Fighters.

Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 10, Death: 9, Love: 130, You: 347, Home: 19, Boy: 57, Girl: 38.

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle...
Three Days by Jane's Addiction, Hail to the Bop by Meat Beat Manifesto, Jambi by Tool, Emeritus Sleepus by Green Day, Truth is Out of Style by MC 900 Foot Jesus.

The Community Hospital Strikes Again!

My shift started at midnight. As I'm walking toward the copy machine to photocopy some kid's insurance card (yes, I know, not my job, but hey, when you want something done...) I pass by traige and notice a pale, limp, bluish-grey infant breathing fast and grunting.

Oh ho, say I. What's this?

The lovely triage nurse replies that the patient had just checked in, but nothing else was known. We share a look. That look held all the knowledge and experience of all our previous shifts together. On a higher plane, we commune with the universe and come to a mutual, unspoken and instantaneous agreement.

Smoothly, we both move to the shock room. She sets up the pulse ox, I reach for oxygen. Our little baby is only getting 85% of the oxygen he needs. Orders are written. Without much ado, we get the IV. Wonderous. Fluids start, labs are sent. For once, everything flows like a river flows toward the ocean, smoothly and easily.

We decide to intubate. Medications appear, respiratory techs arrive. My resident easily slides the tube into the trachea. Glorious, glorious.

I have never had a code go so smoothly here at the Tub. I wonder how I'll be made to pay.

Productivity

Not gonna be an exciting blog post, but I just gotta scratch my own back. By the time I go to sleep, I will have:

• Created the menu for Thursday. (Sorry for not consulting you, hubbie! Love you!)
  
• Done most of my shopping for my Turkey Day Food Fest and Friday's Green Bean Extravaganza.
  
• Cleaned out my work e-mail account. I took that biatch down from 8 pages of largely unread email and spam to two pages of work-only, non-spam, fully-read content. Hah!
• Worked an 8 hour shift.
• Re-read at least some of the articles associated with my research project.
• Had dinner with friends.

Take that, procrastination. My therapist would be proud...

Best Roadtrip Bathroom Award

I hereby nominate Buc-ee's for the Best Roadtrip Bathroom ever. What makes this pot spot so great? Let me list the ways:

• The bathroom are so clean I'd eat off the floor for $5.
• Location doesn't matter - each Buc-ee's is just as nice as the last.
• Each stall has a toilet seat sanitizer dispenser screwed to the wall. Just a little of this gel based substance and some toilet paper, and your ass will never come in contact with nasty poo-based germs. Brilliant!
• I've never had to ask the lady in the next stall for more toilet paper. Buc-ee's either has really diligent staff or they've discovered the fountain of TP. I don't know which is true and I don't care.
• The automatic paper towel dispensers actually give a usable amount of toweling. No going back for a second piece - who woudda thought?

Even though I just said that consistency is one of the key's to Buc-ee's success, I do have a favorite location. #17 in Luling is awesome. Not only are the bathrooms huge, the rest of the store is a destination in itself. You can get beef jerky, made-as -you-wait deli sandwiches, Texas-style home decor, your usual junk food, basic car repair supplies, large charcoal grills, hunting blinds and deer corn. And no, I'm not kidding about the last three offerings. Anyone on IH-10 between Houston and San Antonio must stop here. It's seriously worth it.

Pseudoseizures

Now people, this diagnosis is a pain in the ass. Pseudoseizures are events that look like seizures to non-medicos. But, guess what, they aren't actually seizures. The kids fake it. They might night mean to fake it - they're acting out against intolerable stress - but basically they're hamming it up.

Not a popular diagnosis. Picture this converstation:

Me - The EEG was negative; no seizures were seen. Your child had three events during the EEG. Therefore, given the normal EEG, your child is having psuedoseizures.

Parent - Does that mean she's doing this herself?

Me - Yes. She isn't doing it deliberately, but the jerking movements she makes are essentially voluntary.

Parent - ^%$#&^%( *&(&^$^%$#^%%(*&^*&% $&%^$# %$#EWS FGBVFGVB OIU^T*&^%# @$#EWQ@RE#$^%

Yeah. It goes just about that well.

It just sucks. If someone has abnormal, seizure-like movements during the EEG, but still has a negative EEG... seizure disorder has been ruled out. Period. One cannot seize without abnormal electrical activity in the brain. Period.

And teenagers are bad at faking. For whatever reason, kids with pseudoseizures always sort of twiddle their fingers during the 'attacks'. Let me tell ya, people seizing DON'T waggle their fingers in the air. Nor can they walk. But really, it's the finger twitching that gets me. Where do they get this stuff?

BoSox Win the World Series!

Time: 2pm the day of game 4

Setting: Streets of Houston

Me: walking out wearing an old Red Sox t-shirt with "5 Garciaparra" on the back

Random guy: "Wow, that shirt is awfully popular right now." (Looking at the front of my BoSox shirt.)

Me: "Good thing I've had it since Nomar actually played with the Sox." (He left the Sox in 2004. I've probably had the shirt since about 2001.)

Guy: "Oh."

I hate stupid boys who assume females cannot be genuine sports fans. I hate Houstonians who think that the Red Sox Nation is made up of people who don't actually follow baseball. I hate anyone who thinks that I'm a freeloading fanboy type.

Go Sox.

Now for the off season - the Astros are going to suck, 'cause the management doesn't have its shit together. The Red Sox will probably be alright... provided they sign Lowell.

Enough of that, though. The Sox won the World Series, I got to see two (2!) games at Fenway this season, I saw Papelbon and Dice-K pitch, and we threw an awesome Halloween party last night. Life is good!

Okay, why I want Clubhouse Champagne Shower Coverage

Johnathan Papelbon did his nearly trademark celebration dance on the field at Fenway Park tonight. He eventually got one of the guys from the Dropkick Murphy's to join him.

How much did I want to see that? Uh... a LOT!

Stoopid TV. Stoopid living in Houston.

We WON, beotches!

First off, go BoSox. I missed the first three innings 'cause I was working at Ye Olde Community Hospital. Four vomickings, six snotty noses, one huge mass of armpit puss and one possible case of juvenile arthritis (the saddest and hardest of all the diagnosis listed by far) later, I was sitting in BW3's* watching my boys put together a lead.

After one super fast trip home, we finished watching the Boston Red Sox sail into the World Series. Such a good game. It was a vastly closer game than the score would suggest. At the end, the announcers served us the usual bullshit - blah blah blah, trophy presentation, blah, blah, blah, the ALCS MVP award. Even though Josh Beckett deserved the MVP, I think the award should have gone to The Rookies. All of 'em. Pedroia, Matsuzaka (okay, only a rookie to American baseball), Ellsbury, and even Buchholz (who hasn't played during the post-season as far as I can tell, but did pitch a no-hitter earlier this year) should have split it; they deserved the MVP. Without Pedroia and Ellsbury, we would have lost tonight's game. And without Matsuzaka and Buchholz, we wouldn't have gotten to the playoffs. But anyway, what I really wanted to see was the post-game player celebration as it happened. Crimmeny, we have 300+ stations, couldn't some alternate station skip the bullshit and let us watch the Clubhouse Champagne Shower?

No, apparently not.

But who cares? BoSox in the World Series! Whoo!

On another note, I told a lie in the last post. My husband did not score us a BMW wagon. He had the choice between the sedan with a sports package, which includes a stiffer suspension and better seats, or a wagon. He picked the package. I'm disappointed, but I have a sneaky suspicion that once I drive our car with the sports package I will change my mind. I don't really care, since the whole deal will only last a grand total of two years.

Later bitches. Go Sox!

* Buffalo Wild Wings used to be BW3's. I've never been able to get used to the new name. Sue me.

New Car

I've been a bad girl. No posts for weeks and weeks! Plenty to talk about now.

Hubbie and I went on the world's longest four day vacation evah. On Thursday, it felt like Wednesday had actually occurred a week ago. By the time Sunday came around, Wednesday felt like the previous summer. Seriously. The California wine country was astounding.

We traveled with my friend Steve, his sister and her friends. Everyone was younger than us - Steve's only one year younger than me, but you wouldn't know it by the way he acts. He's in, shall we say, a transitional period in his life. And that transition apparently requires a lot of lubrication with alcohol.

Steve's mental age is about 25, and everyone else was pretty much fresh out of college. Hubbie and I felt like the elder statesman and the matriarch of the trip. At one point, each of us ended up sitting at the head of the table staring across this great expanse of wood, lording our age and wisdom over everyone else. Or something like that. We did end up organizing more than 50% of the trip - but only because neither one of us has the patience to sit around and play the, "Oh, I dunno, whatever you want to do is fine..." game. We're too old for that shit.

We're also DINKs - double income no kids - so we bought a LOT of wine. Beautiful chardonnays, a merlot I actually liked and truckloads of pinot noirs. We bought more wine than I honestly know what to do with. I can't wait for the packages to arrive!

I guess I should talk about the title of this post - New Car. We bought a new car! A Beamer! (See the DINK thing, above.) We had thought we'd be sensible with perhaps a new Volkswagon GTI. Sexy, fast and five doors - sounds pretty much perfect. Then the evil hand of advertising intervened. BMW has a lease deal on now advertising a 3 series for about $350 a month. Yes, there is fine print and no, no one really actually gets the car for $350 a month. But the idea of a BMW would just NOT go away.

And somehow, Hubbie negotiated a deal. We're getting a 328i wagon (!) with a stick (!) for about $60 more a month than the VW. Five doors! Wagon-y goodness! (I love me a good wagon. I like the large carrying capacity, fast wagons are cool since no one expects speed from a wagon and sticks in wagons are just sexy. Sorry, they just are.) We won't get the beast for six weeks... but I can wait!

Bioshock Empty Box

Just went to Circuit City to get my first ever Xbox 360 game. Our new console came this weekend, and we've been playing all of our regular Xbox games to death. But no actual Xbox 360 games.

In comes Bioshock. Widely touted, well reviewed, awesome demo. Couldn't wait. So off we went. I was so excited that I started unwrapping the game out in the car on the way home.

Glad I did.

There wasn't a disc in the box. Sealed package, security tape at the bottom fully intact, "Xbox certification" seal slightly ragged, but no game. Huh? U-turn and head back to the store.

Get this - every box of the game in the store (a grand total of three) was completely disc-free. We got our money back (thanks, Circuit City) but it still miffs me. Is someone down in Mexico (where the discs are pressed) taking some off the top? Is there someone along the supplier chain that's handy with adhesives stealing the discs and then repackaging them? Is Microsoft acting like evil record companies of old, and inflating its numbers? The latter seems unlikely, since the game is selling like hotcakes and geeks everywhere are screaming its praises. If this was a widespread problem, I would have gotten more than a solitary hit on my Google search. So I don't think that whoever is pulling this scheme is working a large operation. Something small scale - a couple of dudes somewhere.

To those dudes - you suck. I wasted part of my life driving in circles for no reward because of you. I hope that you're happy with yourself, assmunch.

What's for dinner?

Do you ever make yourself such a great dinner that you wish you took a picture of it?

I did!

The Menu:

Roasted Rack of Lamb with Tzatziki Sauce
Roasted Red Potatoes
Roasted Asparagus
Fig with Honey and Beecher's Flagship Handmade Cheese

The roasted rack of lamb was an adaptation of the recipe in the incredibly useful The Gourmet Cookbook edited by Ruth Reichl. I love this tome - more modern than the Joy of Cooking, but still very good about including adequate instruction with each recipe. The tzatziki recipe I stole completely shamelessly from Alton Brown. Goodness, do I love that man. So smart, so funny, so science-y. Together, the combo was luscious.

The roasted asparagus is the easiest thing in the world, and we've been doing it for so long I don't know where I got the recipe from, or even if it was me. For all I can remember, Chris found/stole/modified it. Basically, get some asparagus, wash them and cut off the tough bottom stems. Toss with Kosher (or sea) salt, fresh ground pepper and olive oil. Preheat the oven to 400F and cook for somewhere between 3-5 minutes per side.

The fig dish is also easy. Buy some good figs, wash them and then slice them into eighths. Crumble cheese on top, then drizzle with honey. Yum!

Notice the emphasis on roasting? That's to make the most of the hot oven. The flow of the cooking process went like this:

• Preheat oven to 400F
• Trim excess fat off of the rack of lamb, then divide into sections of three ribs each. (Note: lots of cookbooks recommend 4 ribs per person. That's too much. Three is plenty.) Rub lamb with salt, pepper and olive oil.
• Quarter small red potatoes, rub with salt, pepper and olive oil then place in 9x13 glass dish. Set aside.
• Preheat skillet to brown lamb. Heat the skillet (preferably cast iron) until hot but not smoking.
• Prepare asparagus as above. Place on cookie sheet.
• Sear each side of the lamb - about 3-4 minutes per side.
• Toss lamb (fat side up) into dish with potatoes, then insert meat thermometer. Toss whole dish into oven.
• Set meat thermometer to go off at 130F.
• Do nothing for about 20 minutes.
• When the lamb is done, check the potatoes. If they aren't done, take the lamb out to rest and return the potatoes to the oven. Meanwhile, the cookie sheet with the asparagus gets to join the roasting party.
• Roast the asparagus as above, while the meat rests at least 5 minutes. Slice figs, cheese and drizzle honey.
  
• Slice the roast into single rib slices, plate and serve!

Since pretty much everything goes in the oven, life is easy. While I was doing everything outlined above, the hubbie was making the tzatziki. Divide and conquer, baby! The key to the tzatziki is getting proper Greek yogurt. Then you don't have to do the

Place the yogurt in a tea towel, gather up the edges, suspend over a bowl, and drain for 2 hours in the refrigerator.

bit. Totally skippable.

Anyway, I'm back from the bad place of the last post, and I shouldn't have to go back for another 3 months or so. Thanks for the kind thoughts.

Help

It's worse.

I'm going nuts.

FUCK!

Good day, bad day

Today was somewhere in between. So today, since I'm not good enough to put together a funny paragraph, but I'm not bad enough to totally ignore the blog, I declare today a Bullet Post Day! Horray!

• Interns say stupid things. For example, today the surgery intern told the attending, "Oh, I missed that. I wasn't paying that much attention." For shame, doctor. For shame.
  
• There is a baseball player named "Nook." He plays for the Nationals.
  
• My cat likes to chew my hair clip. When I don't wear the thing, he'll leave the back of my head alone. Somehow, the addition of plastic to the back of my head makes it a prime target for chewing, leaning, rubbing and nudging. Yargh!
• The Astros sorta suck. Makes me very sad, but there it is. We'll go to a few more games, but our season is over. Next year, peeps, next year.

Okay, so there were only 4 bullets. Too few to be a good post, but not bad enough to erase. Eh - I guess that's just the day I've had...

Wild Pitch

Hah! It's always fun to watch an 'ace' implode.

As long as the pitcher in question is not the ace of YOUR team. For example, I'm thoroughly enjoying watching Fernando "K Rod" Rodriquez totally lose it. So far, he's allowed a run on a wild pitch (BoSox now two runs down), a double to David "Big Papi" Ortiz allowing 2 runs (game now tied) and a double to Manny Ramirez allowing one run (the go-ahead run! Yay!)

On the flip side, watching Brad Lidge progress from "Lights Out" Lidge to "Maybe It's a Bit Dim in Here" Lidge to "Who Left the Lights On?" Lidge was really painful. Luckily, Lidge seems to be recovering.

Hopefully, K Rod will continue to suck. Yup.

Silliness, Tron and Wargames

Did you know that some of the best movies are the ones about old technology? Well not really old - not 19th century old. Just older projections of where technology would go. For example, the all-seeing war simulator in Wargames (aka the WOPR, pronounced like the Burger King sandwich), the MCP in Tron or the super silent Caterpillar Drive in the Hunt for Red October. I mean, really, who moves a huge several ton vessel through the water with sound? Really!

(Brief aside, if a submarine could actually be propelled by sound I apologize. It does somehow seem to be the most immediately plausible of the above options...)

But people, watching Wargames is still huge fun. The learning computer - what could be more prescient? Not to mention the young Matthew Broderick. Drool... Tron? The sketches of the proposed cycles are engaging, and Jeff Bridges is The Man. Hunt for Red October has the super-yummy Sean Connery. Oh yeah, and Alec Baldwin before he got chunky. Yummy yummy to the tummy tummy!

Oh yeah, and did I mention Tron? The Bit! Yes yes yes yes yes... The Users are a myth, baby.

Sweep!

The Astros swept the Cubbies today. The best part of the whole game was the shit-eating grin on Roy Oswalt's face as he struck out Zambrano for the 3rd time. The dude doesn't show any emotion most of the time (except extreme intensity, of course) and he busted out with this grin that could not be stopped.

So cute.

Anyway, I've been neglecting the blog. Bad me. No excuses - I just let the thing slide. I've had plenty of ideas to write about, and maybe that was the problem. Too many ideas. Back in June I was gonna post pics of the baseball trip. Then in July I was gonna write about the beach house. Then later in July I was gonna write about my research, and then earlier this month I was gonna write about how crazy it is to look forward to visiting my in-laws but dread visiting my mother.

And so on.

It wasn't just my blog that I was ignoring, either. I wasn't reading other blogs. Not my invite-only blogs, not the lesser-known public blogs, and not the hugely popular famous blogosphere types.

You could say I dropped out. Now I've re-enrolled. I guess. Check back next week and see if I actually meant what I'm saying now... heh.

Retarded

In Houston, MRSA accounts for 60% of all the S. aureus in town. For those not in medicine:

1. MRSA = methicillin resistant Staphlococcus aureus = very bad bacteria that can kill you if not treated properly.
2. MRSA will not be killed by the old school antibiotics like Augmentin, Keflex, etc.
3. Good pediatricians should know the above information.

But hey, if you're not from around here, or didn't train around here, the MD might not know. Fair enough. However, ONLY A RETARD gets mad when I alert you, as the primary pedi, about the above facts.

Hey buddy, if you wanna get sued (and/or kill the patient) 'cause you're too proud to listen to some FRIENDLY ADVICE that's not my problem. I'm still gonna admit your patient, treat with appropriate antibiotics and disregard anything stoopid coming out of your mouth. Don't yell at me. I'm just trying to help.

Yummy to my tummy

Recipe for tonight's meal:

Vinaigrette & Greens

- 1/4 cup of rice wine vinegar
- 1/3 cup avocado oil
- generous tablespoon tarragon
- two generous tablespoons minced shallots
- one smallish tablespoon dijon mustard
- three large fistfuls of mache (a type of green)
- two large fistfuls of spring mix greens
- two generous tablespoons of minced chives
- one medium tomato, cut into chunks

Shrimp & its brine

- 3/4 lbs deveined, but not peeled, shrimp
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup kosher salt
- 1 cup water
- 2 cups ice

Crostini

- a dozen or so cripsy pita chips
- goat cheese

Make the vinaigrette by mixing the first five ingredients in an airtight container. Shake vigorously and set aside. Wash the shrimp, then place them in a plastic bag along with the sugar, salt, water and ice. Shake to mix, then set in fridge to brine for 20 minutes, shaking to remix about halfway through.

Meanwhile, wash, dry and mix the mache and the spring mix. Toss with the chives. Then spread the goat cheese on the pita chips. Spread the chips on a baking sheet, goat cheese side up.

Once the shrimp have brined for 15 minutes, preheat the broiler and broiler pan on high. When the shrimp have finished their brine, rinse and then thoroughly dry them with paper towels. Pull the broiler pan out and spread the shrimp over the pan. Return the pan to the broiler for 2 minutes. Flip the shrimp, then broil for another minute or minute and a half. Replace the shrimp with the pita chips. Watch carefully! After about 90 seconds, the goat cheese will have melted and the chips will be browned. Remove the pita chips from the oven and set aside.

Toss the salad with several tablespoons of the vinaigrette and the tomatoes. Separate into bowls. Peel the shrimp and arrange on top of the greens, then add the pita chips.

Enjoy!

Hold music

Note: this a post I started months ago. I was going through my posts creating labels, and decided to finish it.

There are few things worse in life than hold music. There are many varieties: easy listening, informative, piped-in radio music, classical. But do you know what's worse than hold music? No hold music at all. Then you have to keep checking the phone's display to make sure that they dumbshits on the other end haven't hung up on yo ass.