Monday, July 25, 2005

Simple Rules for Baseball Viewing - First in a Series

As a dedicated baseball fan, I go to a reasonable number of games. I don't have season tickets, but that is mostly a function of fundage, not desire. I've noticed a deplorable lack of sense at all of the games I've been to this season. Folks just don't seem to know the basics of watching a baseball game without pissing people (okay, me) off.

So the following is my attempt to codify viewing etiquette. The list won't be complete and further installments will appear in time. The rules will apply to in-stadium baseball experiences only - anything in a sports bar or the comfort of your own home is not my concern.

1) Don't obstruct the view of someone above or next to you once the game has started. Really. Especially when in the good seats. For example, I was sitting about 15 rows back from home plate at Fenway when a gaggle of women started meandering through a row in front of us, then stopped, had a discussion, and stood in our view. Being Boston fans, after 30 seconds, we started yelling "Down in front." Affronted, the women replied that they were related to Kevin Millar, currently playing first. We basically didn't give a fuck, 'cause we were at a sold out game, in expensive seats, and we couldn't see.

Moral - don't get between the fans and the game. Don't stand up and then ask your buddy what he wants from the concession stand. Don't hug your friends goodbye for ten minutes while standing at your seats. Heck, don't even stand in one spot in the aisle for ten minutes - cause you're undoubtably blocking someone's line of sight.

Capiche?

2) Don't spill things. And if you do spill them (hey, it happens), for Christ's sake, apologize! Spending the second half of the game covered in beer blows. But it blows even more when the party at fault doesn't acknowledge his mistake.

3) Stand when someone wants out of the row - and then sit down rapidly. Get that beer seeking lush up and out so the rest of us can get back to watching the game.

4) Beware the evil cell phone. "Look, it's me! I'm on TV." Yeah, right. The rest of America doesn't give a shit, and any true baseball fans will ridicule the waste of a good seat on a total douchebag.

5) Akin to #2 - if you hit/kick/bump/molest someone, freaking apologize. For example, my husband was kicked in the head by a wanker making his way out of the row above us. Totally ruined the inning for him. Come on, people, this ain't hard!

These five rules should get you started, and if you don't count so good, just remember #1. All of our lives will be better.

PS - Go 'Stros! Go BoSox!

2 comments:

Eileen the Jellomonster said...

Hee hee hee, very informative post, DW... I love the way you write.

Ween

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