Sunday, September 24, 2006

The Cat

Yargh.

My cat has been sick for the last two weeks, more or less. It started with his usual constipation/stool holding/inappropriate stooling nonsense that happens every time he gets a little stressed. We blamed the bathroom renovations. After all, how would you like it if someone dumped stinky adhesive in the middle of your dining room? Huh? I might just poop on the floor too!

Then his little butt go so miserable looking with stool bulging at the rectum, grass hanging from a stuck ball of shit, tail down shuffling gait... I just couldn't stand it. So being a docta I got out my lube and rubber gloves and went downtown, so to speak.

Oh boy, people, did I ever get that shit out. Grams and grams of the stuff.

Oberon usually sulks for a day, hiding and pooping on the stairs but then gets betta. Not this time. Well, I lie. He got better for a day or so, but then stopped eating.

Do you know what happens to cats when they stop eating? I did. This is what happens. To quote:
FHL is very dangerous for cats and can be life threatening if left untreated.

EEK! I like my cat. Actually, I love my cat. In the past I've ranted about how silly it is to dump tons and tons of cash into pets. My cat is not getting surgery for pancreatic cancer. My cat won't get daily insulin therapy. My cat will not get dialysis. Can you imagine giving my cat, who won't even tolerate pilling, peritoneal dialysis?

However, my cat will get urgent treatment for acute issues. Note the choice of words: urgent treatment for acute issues. There will be no after hours visits to emergency centers (unless, of course, there is massive bleeding or trauma - if the injury looks survivable, he might get a visit then). There will be no long term, expensive chronic care. There will be office visits to my regular vet during regular hours for complaints that sound something like, "my cat's not eating and I don't want him to die of liver disease. Help, please?!?"

We walked out of the vet about $100 poorer armed with meds to help his little belly push food through his stomach.

Unfortunately, this plan did not work.

Back to the vet we go... $500 later, still no definitive diagnosis. The poor cat comes home leaking barium from his anus (courtesy of his normal barium swallow) along with enema fluid ('cause he didn't poop during his hospital stay) and immediately starts pooping EVERYWHERE. Leaving little kitty butt prints everywhere from the barium. But, while at the vet, he did eat.

So that was good.

One of the meds he came home with was Valium (diazepam). Why? Apparently the stuff acts as an appetite stimulant. Don't believe me, check this out. Or, if yer lazy, read the quote.
# Uses of Diazepam

# In animals, diazepam is given as a sedative, to treat convulsions, to manage excitement or as a muscle relaxant.
# Diazepam is often used with other drugs to ease an animal in and out of anesthesia.
# In some animals, particularly cats, diazepam in small doses has been used to increase appetite and treat behavior problems such as urine spraying or aggression.
So we gave Ober-kitty the recommended dose of Valium this morning. It was a struggle. Twenty minutes pass. I catch something odd in the corner of my vision... Oberon is staggering around the townhouse. He tries to turn... and lands on his ass. Jumps from the couch... and lands on his face. He was a mean drunk too. He took Puck down in the daily fight for dominance. (He'd sobered up some by then.)

It was damn funny.

Tomorrow he's only getting a half dose. But for $50 I could arrange a private showing...

6 comments:

Eileen the Jellomonster said...

Jesus, that's funny (the Valium, that is).

Come to think of it, the mental picture of you shoving your finger up poor Obie's ass (and how well I'm sure that went over)is pretty funny too.

Hope he is better soon.

Love,
Ween

p.s. If you get strep, I'm sorry. If so, it's from being around me Friday.

Eileen the Jellomonster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Eileen the Jellomonster said...

I mean, I want a private showing. Jeez, I can't type today.

Karla said...

So you are, like, Bobbi Brown to your cat's Whitney Houston?

doctawife said...

Yes, yes I am.

We are currently filing for a separation... a five day separation. But still.

Anonymous said...

your blog is ridiculous and down right childish..my cat was diagnosed with terminal cancer and i love him to death. if u think its funny to treat your pet the way u do i hope u never own another pet. Karma is powerful and will turn on you, so be careful how u treat and talk about gods little creatures. Someday you will understand through a life tragedy how silly u are being and u might wake up from your ignorance. I hope u take my suggestion and apprecaite and respect animals more than u do. Its time for u to grow up.