Sunday, July 16, 2006

Meme from Hell

Actually from Karla. She's stolen so many I figured I could steal one from her. I'm so bad like that.

Drinks in my hell:
  • Coors. Bad beer sold by folks who have political views vastly different from mine. Vastly.
  • Dirty martinis. I can't stand that much briney olive-ness. Salt = good. Ni├žoise olives = good. Salt + olives + gin = yuck.
  • Red Bull. Even with vodka, that shit tastes bad.
  • Boston-style 'regulah' coffee. For those of you not from the Northeast, that means Dunkin Donuts coffee + a oil drum of cream + two metric tons of sugar. I'm amazed that the cup has any room for the coffee at all... I always sort of expected to see some sort of viscous sludge approximating the texture of concrete in the bottom of every cup. Don't get me wrong, Dunkie's coffee is good. Just with that much cream... shudder.
  • Diet caffeine free anything. Just drink water.

Food in my hell:
  • Hakarl - rotten shark. Bascially, the shark meat is poisonous in its raw state. BUT - as some classy Icelander figured out - if you take the poisonous shark, bury it in the sand for several months, let it go rancid and then serve it with really strong liquor... it's still horrible. But it isn't poisonous anymore! Joy!
  • Chipotle. It tries to kill me. No really, it does.
  • Pumpernickel bread. I don't know why, but I can't stand the stuff. Bleh.
  • McDonald's chicken nuggets. Why eat those pieces of crap when Wendy's has a much much better alternative. Why?!?
Occupations in my hell:
  • Working in fast food. Yay! Getting paid minimum wage, smelling like grease and serving poisonously fatty food to toxically fat people!
  • Nurse. I have all kinds of mad respect for nurses. But damn, I couldn't do that job. Poop from patients (both metaphorical and literal), crap from doctors and crap from administration. Joy!
  • Cabbie. I'd be petrified that one of my fares was gonna rob/assault me. Yikes.
  • Day laborer.
  • Cleaner of cat cages.
  • Telemarketer.

Music mix in my hell:
  • Anything by Mariah Carey. She just makes me wanna puke.
  • Musak.
  • Toby Keith.
  • Most pop music aimed at tweens.

President in my hell: Oh, wait, you mean this isn't hell?

Authors in my hell: Most authors of classic literature. Why? 'Cause I read trash. Well, medical literature and trash. But trash nonetheless.

Husbands in my hell:
  • Tom Cruise. Holy crap, he's a freak.
  • John Travolta. Same reason.
  • Woody Harrelson. Raw food? Plueez!
  • Anthony Bourdain. I love the man, he would be great to drink with, but I'm not sure that I would want him for a husband. Unless he took me with him around the world. That might work.
  • George W. Bush. I'd definitely get arrested for spousal abuse.
  • Bill O'Reilly.
Next door neighbors in my hell.
  • Tom Cruise.
  • George W. Bush.
  • Osama Bin Laden.
  • Barbara Streisand.
  • Jeffery Dahmer.
Only activities allowed in my hell:
  • Taking call in the PICU - with the ICU fellow out on transport and the attending sleeping upstairs.
  • Repeating my intern year... over and over.
  • Putting cell phone numbers into my cell phone. Yargh.
  • Cleaning the litter box.
  • Listening to my mother.
  • Listening to my step-mother in-law.
  • P-chem problem sets. Without MathCad.
  • Watching Unbreakable over and over.
And my own addition to the Hell List: Internet Security and Firewalls from Hell
  • Not being able to access my mindspring email.
  • Having the firewall prevent me from even seeing yahoo.com.
  • Having five different passwords on four different renewal cycles.
  • Passwords that must have an exact number of characters.
  • Passwords that won't let me use special characters.

1 comment:

Kathy said...

Do you like Vodka martinis? I have some "Ultra Premium Vodka infused with olives and pearl onions" that I have from my last promotion that you can have. I'm not a martini drinker unless it's fruit flavored.